Synopsis:
A book by Jason June (From Jay’s Gay Agenda) this book tells a tale about 2 people. A plus-size lifeguard from Los Angeles who’s still reeling in after a harsh breakup with his ex and a Merperson from the deep who undergoes a right of passage to assimilate among humans for roughly a month and perform a good deed helping others before being allowed to return. Sean Nessan is a 16-year-old junior who lives in LA. He has dreams of becoming a professional director and is quite passionate about the water taking up swimming as a hobby and being a lifeguard at a beach part-time. A bit of a hopeless romantic Sean had high hopes that his relationship with his high school sweetheart Dominic would last only to have his hopes dashed when Dominic unexpectedly breaks up with him for his former best friend Miguel leaving Sean devastated. He was just the same when a mysterious stranger with bright orange hair and a slim build washed up on shore. Crest is a young Mer born out of the deep. Due to their human ancestors becoming Mer after being saved by the blue (the moon) and magically transformed into Mer, as a rite of passage, Crest is required to spend one moon cycle on land and selflessly help at least one person in need before being allowed to return and mature as an Elder. Crest has high resentment for the surface especially humans believing to be nothing but selfish monsters that pollute the earth and endanger species. Taking on the human name Ross (to his visible disdain), they meet Sean (who was on duty at the time) when he mistook them for a person in need of help. After helping Ross become acclimated on land (with the being creating various comedic excuses for their odd behavior and social obliviousness to deter suspicion), Ross sensed Sean was in pain and believing he was the person in need of help they decide to help Sean when his ex-boyfriend back. Initially doubtful and skeptical, Sean excitedly agrees. As a genuine friendship grows between the 2, Dominic begins noticing the 2 together so Sean decides to play along and lies that Ross is his new partner. Upon learning of this while initially upset (and pushing Sean in a pool in retaliation) they decided to play along. However, almost immediately, Sean accidentally discovered Ross’ true form when he was pulled into the pool by accident. Initially fearful and naturally scared of Ross, he calms down when they explain their presence on land and why they are so inclined to help Sean. Feeling indebted to Sean for agreeing to keep it secret, Ross agrees to pretend to be Sean’s partner with Sean making a plan to make Dominic jealous (whilst making it too obvious). Despite the plan, the 2 find themselves developing a mutual attraction to each other (though both naturally abstained from admitting it to themselves). Eventually, Sean’s best friend Kavya begins to feel left out and requests to tag along on their next hangout at the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The 3 have a great time with Ross visibly impressed as Sean plays and shows Ross references to the celebrities depicted. However, things take an abrupt turn when a truck veers out of control and nearly kills Ross. Although they were saved by Sean at the last minute. The resulting debris caused Ross to be splashed with water revealing their true form once more. In the confusion, Kavya records the event and helps get Ross to safety confessing that her Mom is also a Mer shocking them both. Kavya explains that by controlling the narrative they can convince everyone online that it was a mere Hollywood publicity stunt. Diving more into her mom she eventually reveals that she chose to stay in the human world to explore and learn more about the world which led her to meet (and marry) Kayva’s human mom though she does not disclose further details. Eventually, she tells Sean and Ross the first time she ever saw a Mer in person during their journey as a child after previously believing Mer were not real. Ross’ incident has later gone viral with people believing that it was merely a stunt and a trend starting with people attempting to replicate the incident. On the day of Sean’s Swim Meet, Sean notices something off with Kavya when she fails to respond in time for the hundred-meter breaststroke resulting in her finishing 4th out of 6th. Despite this Kavya refuses to disclose anything merely goading Sean to continue. Initially struggling with doubt upon seeing Miguel and Dominic making out… inspired by Ross, Sean fluidly does his breaststroke with no rigid movements earning a very passionate kiss from Ross upon winning (as planned). As an unspoken attraction begins to grow between the 2, Kavya invites Sean and Ross out to accompany her human mom (a marine biologist) during an exhibition at sea to tag whales partially to remind Ross and Sean of their end goal. Kavya also begins to notice the 2 developing feelings for each other upon witnessing them kiss passionately on the boat and begins to worry about Sean getting too deep into the plan. When Sean confronts Ross about this they claim that they’re merely exploring their human body and emotions. A few days later, however, Sean realizes how selfish his plan is when Miguel notes that because Sean and Ross are getting more attention, it’s driving a wedge between him and Dominic as he is forced to hear more about Sean than an actual Prom-posal. Realizing that despite losing his boyfriend to his former best friend, Sean is unwilling to cause the same pain he felt to another man he decides to botch the plan. Upon learning this, Ross initially feels betrayed but upon being informed by Sean that he doesn’t want someone selfish enough to abandon and hurt people just to get his way, Ross receives a journey mark confirming he has indeed helped someone and allowing him to return home once his journey has ended. With this revelation, Sean and Ross decide to make the best of it and continue their “no strings attached” situationship. Sean later takes Ross out on a new date bringing him to an observatory to view the moon through a telescope deeply touching Ross and the 2 later return to Ross’ safe house (the bungalow) where they proceed to have sex for the first time. However, Sean begins to develop actual feelings for Ross and considers convincing them to stay on land rather than return. Upon consulting with Kavya on the plan she immediately objects to Sean’s proposal revealing that her mer mom is actually struggling with depression due to her decision to stay on land and abandon her old life and even goes as far as to threaten her friendship with Sean if he goes through with it. Recognizing that he was being selfish and believing his documentary of Ross adjusting to the human world to be mere manipulation he attempts to take it down from being shown at his school’s film showcase but was unable to. Unable to sit through it, Sean leaves and encounters Dominic… who expresses his feelings of sorrow to Sean after seeing his time with Ross. Rather than sympathize, Sean angrily calls him on his feelings despite throwing away their relationship in the first place. Dominic explains that he accidentally became involved with Miguel and kissed him by mistake which led to him lying that he and Sean had broken up (consequently leading to him breaking up with Sean at the beginning of the book) and keeping everything secret to avoid being labeled a cheater and having Miguel think any less of him (as Sean mentioned Dominic cares very much of what people think of him) but now believes he made a mistake and wants Sean back. Still upset and unwilling to give him another chance, Sean blames Dominic for what happened and rejects his advances. He then encounters Ross who begins to consider staying with Sean on the surface. Sean confesses that the video was a manipulation to get him to stay but Ross rebuffs him stating it wasn’t easy for him to be manipulated nor is he mad at Sean merely considering the idea of staying on the surface of his own will. During a swim meet (4 days before the full moon) however things take a turn for the worst when Ross winds up picking a fight with a pissed-off Dominic by mistake. Sean, Kavya, and Sean’s coach helped separate the 2 with Kavya accusing Ross of starting the incident and Sean questioning Ross’ behavior. In the confusion, Dominic (in front of everyone including a very disheartened Miguel) professes his love for Sean and begs him to reconsider and take him back. This flustered both Sean and Ross causing them both to hesitate before Sean finally musters up the courage to reject Dominic once more believing he’s moved on and found someone else in Ross. Ross however does not hear as he had left prior believing Sean’s hesitation to be his answer (forgetting that Sean doesn’t like being put in the spotlight). While trying to make sense of his feelings and rationalize his intentions. Ross encounters his close friend and crush from the deep, Drop (or Bob on the surface). Learning that Bob found his way to Ross through social media, the 2 catch up. Ross in an attempt to take his mind off Sean attempts to become intimate with Bob through kissing and scaling (Mer equivalent to sex) at the Bungalow but discovers it doesn’t have the same feel to it compared to his feelings and time with Sean partially due to Bob’s social obliviousness. Things get worse when Sean arrives (Ross had forgotten to lock the door) and catches the 2 in the act. Heartbroken, Sean takes a leave and tells off Ross for scaling with another Mer and accuses him of being selfish since the Mer never use their talents to truly help the world or make peace with humanity instead hiding for their own preservation and helping only because it benefits them before leaving a dumbfounded Ross who then takes the time to tell off Bob for they’re arrival since the rules state the Mer must take the journey alone. Bob scoffs at this and is even more confused that Ross actually is developing feelings for Sean and accidentally lets it slip that Kavya is the one that tipped them off revealing she’s been in contact with them since the Fishing trend took off. Frustrated with Bob for further complicating matters they kick them out and make a plan to make amends with Sean. In the aftermath, both Dominic and Ross have been banned from the swim meets. Dominic has been dumped by Miguel for his lies and deceit, Sean reconnects and bonds with Miguel over their mutual experiences, and Ross is trying endlessly to reconnect with Sean to no avail though he later forgives Ross he refuses to continue their relationship further knowing they must leave soon instead maintaining an emotional distance. Blaming Kavya for the mess, they consult with her, meeting her Mer mother in the process. Kavya confesses she only did so because she was worried that Ross was getting too attached and wind up leaving the world he once knew and on another would wind up leaving Sean heartbroken since he has to leave stating that Bob didn’t want to interrupt their journey until Kavya knew it was an emergency. Kavya then apologizes for her interference with her mom knowing full and well this was mainly out of concern for her depression but is adamant and explains that she made the right choice. She reveals to Ross and Kavya that the reason she chose life on the surface was because she was offered many opportunities and lifestyles rather than being chosen a job for them and due to the community she was barely able to connect to the Elders. Despite this revelation, Ross still remains adamant that they have to return to the Blue and their old life but still desires to spend their last minutes on land with Sean who still refuses to see them. Kavya advised Ross to make a big love declaration which is Sean’s favorite part in romantic comedies. She later pays a visit to Sean calling him out on his selfishness and neglect due to his emotional distance as well as explaining her interference with Ross’ journey. She goes on to explain that it’s just as hard for Ross as it is for Sean because they’re still young and in an unfamiliar environment being told to make a difficult choice to return back to their life or stay on land. Recognizing his wrongdoing, Sean immediately heads to the Pier where he finds Ross on a dunk tank (with passersby convinced it was another stunt for the Fishing trend). Though Ross is dunked prematurely, nonetheless they profess their love for Sean and he reciprocates the feeling. While moving in for a kiss, however, a kid accidentally shoved Sean and caused him to fall off the pier into the ocean. Despite being unable to return to the blue in minutes. Ross decides to sacrifice their Mer form (and potentially their life) to save Sean and jumps in after him. However, they are too late and Sean drowns with a heartbroken Ross kissing Sean goodbye. Yet, in the heat of the moment, Sean is suddenly revived and Ross is returned back to their Mer form. More so, Sean has been transformed into a mer. Both are excited that they have a chance at a new life together to explore the seas but Sean suddenly realizes this would mean he would have to leave his old life behind and let his friends and family believe he died (with his body unrecovered). Elder Kelp soon arrives and explains that Blue revived them when he saw them crying for help (or in Crest’s case kissing for help). The Elder explains that Sean can choose to become Mer and use his magic to protect the seas like Crest or settle for his miracle and wash back up on shore alive. Sean considers but ultimately denies the gift unable to sacrifice his old life to be with someone. Crest understands and accepts his decision knowing they were put under the same difficult choice. The 2 comfort and kiss each other goodbye promising not to forget each other before the magic wears off and sends Sean back to the shore with his legs returned to him. In the epilogue, Sean & Miguel accompany Kavya and her family for a day out at sea whale watching when Kavya loses her lucky cap. As she “frantically” searches for it at the ocean it randomly disappears until a familiar Mer calls out to them and throws it back on the bow.
Thoughts:
“Wasn’t I enough?” You know I asked myself that question many times during my dating life. “Am I ever good enough” “Why can’t anyone choose me”, “Why do I have to be the one left behind”. I sympathize with Sean because by the time I read this book for the first time I was going through a rough patch. The boy I fell for ended things when I thought we had a great thing going for the last couple of months. I was sure I did everything right this time and I naturally felt heartbroken and hurt because he was willing to throw that away. It felt like he wasn’t treating what we had was probably special and it’s even more infuriating when you weren’t the one that admitted their feelings first. He was. More so it felt like I kept reliving the same story with other guys just the same but I didn’t think it would be him. This book seems to teach about living in the past, some people are so stuck in the past that they desperately fight for that old life back or bitterly use it as a catalyst to resent their future instead of using it to learn and grow. You know that saying “when one door closes, another one opens”. The book also teaches you about being in unfamiliar environments or being a “fish out of water”. While the undersea portion of the book seems a little basic and the romance story is a little cheesy (Sean does love Rom-Coms🤷🏾♂️)it’s nonetheless a fantastic read. It’s definitely one of my favorites. The part where Sean says “People always think tops don't have feelings, the "tough guys" in the gay world, but I can have my heart broken too.” Is so real… people often expect us to just roll with shit and not be sensitive but it’s like I can still have my heart broken because people expect too much or too little out of me. I also like how acknowledges that despite being tender-hearted, people are still prone to slipping up. The book also ended on an ambiguous note that suggests that Crest may be doing more than just hiding in the ocean. My friend Andrew believes there shouldn’t be a sequel to it and it should be left up for interpretation and I actually agree. In my opinion, I think that maybe Crest is using his magic to help those in need close to the sea. They may have finally worked things out with Drop and become “more than just friends”. You never know. This book has been a fantasy for me and I would put it up there as one of my favorites. Between you and me, I kind of had a bad habit of accidentally getting the pronouns mixed up when writing about Crest/Ross and it’s basically because of societal pressures and norms. You automatically see this and just assume. You know, as a person growing up in a structured environment that teaches all things male and female inherently it’s hard to just not think this way and keep an open mind you know. It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose, it’s just melded into my mind and work subconsciously so if you ever see me screw up pronouns I hope you know I mean no ill intent. That’s just how I grew up basically.
Overall Score:
8/10
Characters:
Sean Nessan: A 16 year old plus size life guard and film enthusiast who has a passion for movies (especially Romantic Comedy) and the water. In the book, Sean was struggling to get over his ex boyfriend randomly dumping him for a former best friend of his. His mulling and love of the water later brings him to Ross. What started out a mere plan to get his ex back later blossomed into real feelings. Sean is described as kind, caring, protective, and is implied to have a narcissistic personality disorder in part due to his desire to control certain situations (director mode as he calls it). Though generally helpful, Sean is not without flaws and occasionally thinks to much of himself rather than other people. This flaw led to him nearly driving away his friends and even Ross near the end of the book. At the end of the book Sean has accepted that what’s best for him is to work on himself and build up his life before settling down, turning down Dominic’s pleas to take him back and refusing an offer from the blue to become a Merman despite getting to be with Ross.
Crest/Ross: A 16-year old Mer from Pacifica with bright orange hair and slim build. As part of tradition Crest must undergo at least one month on land helping one human as part of their journey with the choice of returning or staying on land. They are described as very stubborn and sassy often annoying those around them. Despite being gifted a male-presenting body, Crest rejected the standard he/him pronouns for the ambiguous they/them. Before arriving, Crest held a very condescending & low view on land and humans in general believing them to all be selfish, dangerous, and self-centered with a limited worldview and longed to return home. However that all changed when they met Sean. Under their Ross alias they became great friends and later lovers. Although their limited understanding of the surface led to them misinterpreting social cues. Before Ross was adamant to return back to the Blue to become Mer once more but upon spending much time with Sean and discovering the beauty of the surface (even seeing the moon close up) they began to reconsider and was torn between returning or staying with Sean having grown to truly love the human and bonded with him over his love of movies and the water. This love even led him to potentially sacrifice his life to try and save Sean from drowning. Despite his love for Sean and speaking to Coralina, Ross ultimately decided to return to the Blue, unwilling to abandon their old life for a new one but having completely changed worldview of humans as they learned not to judge a book by it’s cover. It is strongly implied they even take the time to visit the shore occasionally.
Kavya: An Indian-American bisexual girl who is Sean’s best friend of 3 years the 2 having met during Swim tryouts for the team. Physically she is described as plus-size or chubby as Sean is but also retains a love of the water as much as Sean and Ross. Kavya retains a very goofy sense of humor but a kind heart and strong level of empathy serving as the voice of reason for Sean and even Ross. Unknown to many however, Kavya is in fact the daughter of a Mer. Born out of insemination her mom revealed and proved to her that Mer exist and she is one of them. She had kept this a secret from Sean since no one would likely believe her. Beneath her comedic exterior however, Kavya feels responsible for her mother’s depression believing she misses her old life and desperately attempted to dissuade both Ross and Sean from becoming too attached and make it difficult for them to finish their journey even going as far as to threaten her friendship with Sean & interfere with both Ross and Drop’s journey so the same thing does not happen with Ross though she came to see the error in her ways and apologized for getting involved. In the end she starts dating Miguel.
Dominic: Sean’s ex-boyfriend who dumped him at the beginning of the book for his former best friend Miguel later revealed to be because he actually cheated on Sean for him. He is described as self-centered, selfish, arrogant, attention-seeking, disloyal, and dishonest. While before he was a caring boyfriend to Sean (and even Miguel) often showing up to his meets and pulling strings for him and even doing an extravagant theater based prompose for Sean with the 2 planning their future together however his insecurities and bad decisions led him to make terrible mistakes. Much of the plot was centered around Sean attempting to win Dominic back and show him what he missed. However upon realizing his plan was hurting other people he immediately botched it and lost interest for Dominic just as Dominic began to try and get Sean back. Eventually Dominic’s jealousy and anger got the better of him when he picks a fight with Ross over a misunderstanding resulting in Dominic pathetically trying to make a declaration of love to Sean (which was ironically what Sean wanted before) only to not only be turned down once more but is subsequently dumped by Miguel and banned from the meets by Sean and Miguel’s coach leaving Dominic defeated as he was dragged out.
Miguel: Sean’s childhood best friend. He is bisexual, Mexican-American, and described by Sean as a friendly charmer and a people person. Before the 2 were really close but drifted apart mainly due to differing paths and personalities and more so because he started dating Dominic however unknown to Sean, Miguel was trying to reconnect with him but Sean kept shutting him out (because he believed he couldn’t keep up with Miguel’s cool guy persona). Miguel later revealed himself to be a victim of circumstance as Dominic lied to him that he and Sean had broken up and in fact cheated on Sean with him. He later breaks up with Dominic for his lies and deceitful nature and winds up reconnecting with Sean and re-establishing their friendship. In the end he starts dating Kavya.
Drop/Bob: Drop is a very close friend and former love interest of Crest/Ross. They have light brown skin and a flowing mane of hair (stationary on land). Before coming on land the 2 had something of an intimate relationship with Ross hoping to one day scale with them. During the plot, Drop (as Bob) had already finished their journey when they saved a baby from a stroller. Upon catching word of Ross’ fishing trend after their tail was exposed. Bob befriended Kavya when they commented that they were friends (with Bob overjoyed to have someone who can relate to their dilemma). The 2 expressed concerns that Ross may be getting too attached to the surface and although they initially refused to interfere with Ross’ journey, they decide to pay Ross a visit after they winded up getting into a fight. In an attempt to take their mind off things they attempted to scale but the tub was too small for the 2 coupled with Bob’s social obliviousness, Ross begins to reconsider their feelings for Bob. Things became worse when Sean walks in on them and leaves completely disheartened. Frustrated, Ross kicks out Bob and tells them off for their interference and even denounces them as their friend for it.
Elder Kelp: One of Ross’ teachers and caretakers as well as an old acquaintance of Coraline. They are described as by more by-the-book and is a heavy traditionalist at heart. They were the one that oversaw Ross’ journey to the shore and later offered Sean the opportunity to become Mer.
Coraline: Kavya’s Mer mother. She was originally a Mer who took part in the journey as a rite of passage. However, unlike most Mer who return once the journey has ended, Coraline had decided to stay on land forsaking her Mer form for a human life. Partially it was because she had found love in the human marine biologist Avani but mostly because she felt that she could never have the emotional connection with the Elders since the concept of parents do not exist in the Blue and disagreed with the notion of being picked a destiny and future underwater instead of exploring her own identity and interests on land. She is kind, adventurous, curious, as well as caring and empathetic. She is also the only known Mer to forsake her gender-neutral pronouns for female ones. During the plot however she was suffering from depression which led Kavya to believe it was because she wanted her old life back but Coraline confirmed that it wasn’t the case. She then meets Ross and explains her choice to him in order to better understand why she stayed on land. Coraline also explains to Ross that there is just as much community on land than there is at sea.
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